Wednesday, August 17, 2011

WWJLD Wednesday....Watching the Wheels

One of the main things I like to take from this song when I listen to it is to just stop for a few minutes and just sit back and watch the world go by and just enjoy yourself. Stop trying to be in the middle of everything and just focus on those things that are important. Just sit and watch the wheels go round and round.

This song was released posthumously in 1981 after his murder in 1980. I picked this particular video because I loved the home movies of him being a stay at home dad taking care of his second son Sean. So many people were pressuring him to get back into the music business, but he was done doing things on others terms. He was taking time to be with his family and dream. And wouldn't the world be a better place if we all 'dreamed' like JL? Couldn't we all just take a minute, step off the merry-go-round, and let it all go?

So stop for a minute and read the lyrics, listen to the music, relate it to your own life. Do you need to be in that rat race to be happy? Are their simpler things at home, like your family, your dreams, peace, that are more important?  `

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I'm o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,
People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away,
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
When I tell that I'm doing Fine watching shadows on the wall,
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball?
I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go,
People asking questions lost in confusion,
Well I tell them there's no problem,
Only solutions,
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind,
I tell them there's no hurry...
I'm just sitting here doing time,
I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Regrets....Getting real

I don't regret too many things in my life. I like to think the mistakes or choices I have made in my life make me who I am. Sure there are always things sometimes I look at and think "Why in the hell did I do that!" or "What the frig was I thinking?" But in the end I know everything I have done has made me stronger.

I was reading the blog of a friend's fiance, and he was discussing an issue that was very important and hurtful to him. He had family members that had decided due to 'personal conflicts' they weren't going to be attending his and my friends wedding. I'm not going to go into any more detail than that for their privacy. My whole take on this is that this is a time in some one's life that you put aside your issues and conflicts and you be there to celebrate the person that you love. Celebrate their love and happiness. This is a moment that you can't recreate.

Reading about the issues he was having made me think of my own wedding to my ex. There were two situations surrounding my wedding that I wasn't sure how they were going to play out. One scenario I am happy how it worked out. The other, I must say, is probably one of my few regrets.  I had a similar issue with a conflict between a couple of family members. I actually wasn't involved, but my mother and my uncle were. I invited my uncle and his family, not knowing if they would actually show up. But I'm happy to say that they put aside whatever issues they had between them and my uncle and his family came. I was very happy they did. I would have been so sad if a family disagreement kept them away from seeing me get married.

The second scenario, was my fault. And I do regret it. Of course there was some influence going into my head. But when I look back now I realize I just wasn't strong enough. If I was the person then, that I am today, this wouldn't have happened. You learn from your mistakes.

I had a falling out with one of my best friends from high school. It really wasn't her fault. It was more mine. Not being comfortable with who I was. Being unsure of my own thoughts and desires. Not using my own voice. I used some one elses. Some one else who pushed me not to be friends with her anymore. Of course in the end, it was my decision. So I'm not passing blame. Just wishing I thought for myself more, instead of letting others do it for me. Truly I envied her confidence. But the whispers into my brain somehow convinced me I couldn't be at my full potential while feeling like she was overshadowing me. But looking back, if she was overshadowing me it was because I wasn't stepping up and out of the shadows. Not because she was doing anything wrong. But I didn't get that then. This is all part of my regret - not thinking for myself, not using my own brain to figure out why I was feeling that way and then not talking to her about it. I have learned that communication can change so much. It can fix so much. But keeping your insecurities inside will never help anything, except to make you bitter and unhappy.

Because I pushed her away, I isolated myself in a way. And when it came time to send out the wedding invitations she was on my 'maybe' list. Should I send her an invite or shouldn't I. By then it had been about 2 years I think since her and I had really spoken. Deep down, I wanted her there. She was one of my closest friends for about 10 years. Of course I wasn't actually ready to face her and discuss what happened because I still didn't have a clear head about it. I was still being told how much better I was without her. And how much I was growing without her. When in truth, I was growing on my own, and it had nothing to do with her or anyone else specifically. It had to do with life in general.

In the end I didn't invite her. I was influenced in that decision, but again, I take responsibility for it. The weirdest thing was her sister ended up being there. And that, in a way, actually gave me some comfort at the time. But I should have invited her. And I should have made amends. But it's hard to admit when you are wrong. It's hard to own up to it, especially face to face.

I see her from time to time and we have small talk. I do miss our friendship. I have come to accept things I have done wrong in my head and my heart, but to acknowledge it out loud is something totally different. I guess in the end I'm still not as strong as I'd like to be. But I continue to learn and grow. I'm working on those few things I see as regrets. And maybe some day I'll say it all out loud, face to face. And then, I think maybe the regrets might go away. I know it all starts and ends with communication. The good and the bad.

Do you have regrets or do you not believe in them?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

WWJLD Wednesday....God

This song is right up there with my favorite JL songs. It's simple and beautiful. I'm sure there have been many people throughout the years that don't really listen to the message of this song and just take it as JL's bashing God or religion. But it isn't that at all. The message is simple - in the end all these things society and your family/friends push on you to believe in mean nothing. Believe in yourself and love and that's all you really need. Everything else is just an idea or a false idol.

I can imagine the first lines - God is a concept, by which we measure our pain - offending many people right off the bat. I'm not trying to take away anyone's faith in their religion, but think about what many religions started to become. They use certain parts of the scripture to put the 'fear of God' into you. I think the basics that most religions were based on can be very beautiful. But then 'man' gets involved in preaching it and it just turns into something else completely - don't sin or God will send you to hell! God is a concept by which we measure our pain.

Push everything else aside and look to yourself and your loved ones. That's what is truly important.

Faith is great and can help many people through hard times. Role models are nice for you to look up to aspire to be like. We put our faith in our leaders of counties. Some even believe magic will get them through hardships. But in the end, the only thing that is concrete and you can truly depend on, is yourself and those that love you.

On a side note - I finally learned what the Zimmerman reference was only about a year ago. It's a reference to Bob Dylan's real last name. I'm pretty sure they were friends with Dylan, so you can see this song isn't meant to be a slam on anyone or anything. And the line about - I was the walrus, But now I'm John - is classic. The Beatles are done and over, that dream is over. It's pretend time anymore in this bigger than life world he had been living in with the Beatles. The dream is over.

God is a concept,
By which we can measure,
Our pain,
I'll say it again,
God is a concept,
By which we can measure,
Our pain,
I don't believe in magic,
I don't believe in I-ching,
I don't believe in bible,
I don't believe in tarot,
I don't believe in Hitler,
I don't believe in Jesus,
I don't believe in Kennedy,
I don't believe in Buddah,
I don't believe in mantra,
I don't believe in Gita,
I don't believe in yoga,
I don't believe in kings,
I don't believe in Elvis,
I don't believe in Zimmerman,
I don't believe in Beatles,
I just believe in me,
Yoko and me,
And that's reality.
The dream is over,
What can I say?
The dream is over,
I was dreamweaver,
But now I'm reborn,
I was the walrus,
But now I'm John,
And so dear friends,
You just have to carry on,
The dream is over.